Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
