Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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