i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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