I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
a search helicopter?!
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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