Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
