im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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