jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
These tits shall not be calmed
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
