mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
