Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
