he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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