I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
