her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
