I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
porn star boner night. come get it.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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