oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
