they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
