I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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