She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
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It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
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PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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