Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
my phone needs a breathalizer
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
