I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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