You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
