He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
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i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
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I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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