I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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