I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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