Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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