you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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