Yo dont text me then not text me
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
