i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
