My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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