lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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