Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
