we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
