watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
