If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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