I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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