Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
