god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
