Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
