As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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