i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
