That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
