who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
