Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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