I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
