The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize