Your face is a jimmy john
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
