Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
