and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
