Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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