hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
