I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
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i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
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I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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