new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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