So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
50% drunk capacity currently
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
