Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
