we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
