She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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