Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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