I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize