Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
