Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
