i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
