My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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