What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
