is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
she smelled like a LAN party
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
