I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
