My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
