it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
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My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
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I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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