I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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