it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
