She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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