Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
