You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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