Need sex. Gaining weight.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
