I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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